babies were throwing up all over the place
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize