there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
