Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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