He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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