Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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