Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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