I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
