My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
