Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
