the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
