I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
