I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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