There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize