Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
