just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
