He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
