There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
