eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
