member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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