just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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