New invention idea: vibrating tampons
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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