So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
