Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
