I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
