My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
