I want to walk on stilts...naked
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
