There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
