Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
