Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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