There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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