I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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