porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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