and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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