my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
