Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
