I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We are two peas in an std pod
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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