he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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