you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
