Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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