I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
