I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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