You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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