guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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