You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
