You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
