No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
