I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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