The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
