she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
