Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
