We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
