dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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