Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
