i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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