Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
