I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
