I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
