as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
