OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
