my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just blew my weed a kiss
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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