Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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