so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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