but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize