I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
