nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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