this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
