She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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