I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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