Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
