Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
