Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
