Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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