you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
