I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
