so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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