I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
