There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
