How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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