bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
