The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You know, be my cock's hype man.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
