You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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