WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
