Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I am naked and annoyed.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
