he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
