dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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