no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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