I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
