I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize