OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize