I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
