well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
